Over time, it has come to my attention that the only way for me, to do all that I do do, is to work with experts.

And maybe you’ve already come to a similar conclusion, maybe you’ll never reach that conclusion. Nonetheless, here’s my thoughts.

First, try and visualize what you’re really good at. Then try and visualize all the things that don’t work so well, and try to see if it’s due to a lack of skill on your side. Then try and find out if a limited amount of time and money can make you improve your results – if not, find people who can fill the gap against payment.

Once you’ve found your answers, let go, and start to fully trust that new partner.. It’ll free up your time and your head, and it’ll make you have better results!

Thanks to my banker, insurance guy, florist, gardener, accountant…

Was sunday a special day, different from any other? Maybe, but only if special means that I realized I should try harder to see the positives, rather than excepting the worst. If you’ve not realized this yourself, you might want to give it a try.

(oh, and if you don’t know it yet, check out Bref! French short webisodes. Awesome.)

Boy do I like xmas-markets! Food, drinks, it’s not too warm or loud…
But what happens when you see through all of it? You go to the closest foodmarket: gromperekichelcher please? And the…

The article written by Lois Lane, just before Superman returns in the movie with that same title. But also a nagging feeling these past few days, weeks, possibly even months or many years – the world is taking a turn for the worse, and we need a super-human being to help us putting it back on track? Or at least, that seems to be the consensus when I talk to others.

When I say, I don’t like the way young people behave when they go out, pretty much everyone I know says something “resigned”, something along the lines of: What do you want to do, there is nothing that can be done. I disagree. The same goes on about discussions over racism, where more and more people seem to accept that this is a reality, yet still don’t see that they can make a difference. Again, I disagree. But let’s dig this as deep as I can.

• A week ago, I went to the Rives de Clausen, against my better judgement, and it made me feel sad and frustrated, as expected. I was standing outside for a while, watching people walk by. I was wearing nice, warm shoes and clothes, yet I could still feel a certain coldness in the air. But – and there is always that but – a very general guestimate of mine says 9 out of 10 women that walked past, walked past in mini-mini-skirts (you know, the mini’s amongst the mini-skirts), with tiny shoes where the heel takes up the larger part of material used, no jackets, and the least amount of material used in the general breast area. It felt in some nasty ways as if I’d gone to a butchers, where it also seems best to show a maximum of the meat that would be available. Plus, most of them seemed drunk, and had guys herding them together, you know the kind of guys whose tongue every now and then slips out lightly and brushes their owner’s upperlip. Personally, I still believe that it is the inside that matters, as the outside is the least time-resisting feature. But also, I really personally enjoy the little bit of fantasy that can build up if you imagine what someone could look like under their clothes – if you’ve seen (almost) everything in a club, why bother to find out what’s left? Also, would a woman that dresses like this be a good example for the children you might have with her? Or would a woman dressed like that only be an object of your lust? (And yes, I realize men dress like this too, but from my point of view, those are just sad, and I feel it more in me to be protective of women..)
• A few years ago, it seemed that one of my closest, yet much younger, friend had it all wrong. Whenever we talked, he seemed to be anxious and lightly aggressive, telling me about him and his boys and how they’d stick together, even in the face of definite danger. At the time, I thought it had only to do with young men trying to find their place amongst equals. Lately, this other good friend responds really rather aggressively to anything that could be interpreted as a lack of respect. There, I thought it might have had to do with all the bad luck he’s had the past few years. But again, as I stood in the Rives de Clausen, I couldn’t help but notice that 9 out of 10 young men dressed in a very “gangsta” style, carried jewelry and rings, looked at each other or me in a rather menacing way, and it made me feel very unwelcome. Little however can make me feel uncomfortable – I’ve seen too much for that – but it felt very tense. And that in a place you go to to have fun? And this same topic, when addressed with some of my peers generates similar responses: What do you wanna do? The kids these days, they’re just like that, you can’t change that.
• Relationships. Do I need to say more? Ok, this is a blog, not a guessing game, so here goes my “say-more”. 50 years ago, it was frowned upon to get a divorce. The desperately needed liberation of women, the putting as equals of women, the movements for their protection… all excellent developments. If you are in a destructive relationship, you should be able to get out! But today, it seems to me that every little argument you may have, could lead to a separation, and eventually a divorce. With children? Of course! There are after all many services for single parents, so why not just breakup instead of trying to remember the vows you took 20 years ago? 5 years? 2 month? The first “11/11/11-wedding” to get a divorce only took a few days as I heard on the news the other day. And all along, freedom and de-sexualisation of women, moving away from that nasty image that may have shown them as objects, and today, what do the young women do? They aim to become just that – objects of lust. And at the same time, which type of man gets promoted as being “the man”? The macho, disrespectful, raw, sexual predator? Why in this day and age are there still women that get beaten AND stick with their monsters? Why is it, that there is a saying that a woman-beater will always remain a woman-beater, and why is it that people say that a beaten woman will always return to the beater? It just doesn’t make sense to me, like AT ALL. And what do people I converse with say? If you intervene, you risk getting her into more trouble… if she doesn’t want the change, you cannot force the change on her… but what if this beaten woman were your daughter? Would you not take that decision for her? Would you not force her to do something that was eventually better? Of course though, if you ever intervene in the streets, remember to stay safe, and remember this will most likely not just be the one-time occasion, it will have consequences. And actually why would that be a big thing? There is something called social responsibility, and this is not covered by giving a few coins every now and then to a beggar.
• Then there is drugs, and drugs are always being reasoned about… that they are not really that bad, and that it should be everyone’s own choice. But what about the younger generations? When I was a teenager, people took drugs, of course, but you wouldn’t see that everywhere you went. Someone on cocaine would stick out right away, with the eyes, the smile and the aggressive energy. Today it seems, that the one not on cocaine will stick out. And if you talk about it, you’re being told that you didn’t like being told when you were young either… but we were told! And maybe that allowed drugs in those days to remain something that I might call ok - exceptional (as in, not the general rule).

As an intermediary sum-up, I am once again not pleased about something. But more importantly, those different issues seem to be too big to deal with by most of the people I know. And I seem to be the silly one for believing I can do something about it. But if not me, who could? The government? I saw this interesting headline recently ago, that politics was going to die out, and be replaced by economics – money makes the world go ’round. So no. Specialist groups and organisations? Or could Religion be a solution? Seriously, then it would make more sense to actually hope for Superman to return .

But I like to reflect a lot, so I wonder, what can I (you) do, really..

If you notice someone in your immediate group, someone you can influence, who dresses poorly (as in “slutty” or “gangsta”), ask them why they dress like that? There are so many pointers out there, so I leave it up to you to turn the thing around!

If someone around you starts using racist phrases, tell them they do. Don’t tell them they’re racists – that can always be thwarted, just tell them that what they said was racist. AND, that you don’t like this one bit.

Aggressive people should be ignored and not be supported in their way of thinking. Or changed. I told my friend that I loved him, but that it made me feel uncomfortable when he went off. I acknowledged he had had a hard time, but I told him that on the one hand, it wasn’t my fault, and that at the same time, he seemed to “punish” others that didn’t deserve it either. On the other hand, I have also told him he could always talk to me about it – talk, not shout. And he’s been an absolute charm again!

People tend to go to their friends for advice. Especially on relationships. But that is a very dangerous discussion, where you more often than not might loose a friend. So THE rule to stick to, is to stick to facts, and let your friend take his own decision. That doesn’t mean sticking only to some facts (the reasons to separate for example). It is reminding your friend that a relationship is a 2-way street, and that every now and then, one of them might be less “on target”. It might be insisting on communication as a great tool to clear differences. It might also telling them to seek professional help and at the same time offering your hand in friendship and support…

Drugs? And this by all means also includes alcohol and the abuse of it? If you notice your friend spiraling down, don’t just accept it. Be there for them, tell them they are not alone. Give more than you receive in return. If you were in their place, wouldn’t you like a friend like you (can be)?

Actually. Now that I see this in front of me, I want to adapt the title of this article. I say:
The world doesn’t need Superman! The world needs Super(wo)men, and everyone has it in themselves to be SUPER!

In my usual habit, I will try and go back as far as I can, under the pretense of being thorough, but as always, it is just good ol’ me enjoying the talking .

When you’re born, you have a whole gang o’ people lookin’ after you, feeding you, dressing you, wiping your bum, reading for you and so on. This is, well for lack of a better explanation, because you cannot do this yourself! (yet.) => Paradigm #1.

But then, of course, with time, you learn to do stuff yourself, encouraged by mummy/daddy/sister and so on, and soon enough, you grow to be a fully functional unit that can subsist by itself, more or less. At all this same time, you may have been taught some moral values, for instance, if someone needs help, you should help? Ok, let’s rephrase, if someone needs help AND deserves it, you should help? But knowing my dear readers, I am sure you already totally agreed on the first bit (give but don’t expect in return and so forth), but knowing you are also worldly people, I am sure you have realized there are also those people that only help if they believe help is deserved or will be returned. (hm, flashback to the Godfather – note to self: watch this again in the near future!) => Paradigm #2

Paradigm #3 – with experience, your peers will tell you it is ok to seek help, to delegate, to be dependant. For example, it is supposedly a very serious lack of management skills if you cannot delegate to your employees, and it is apparently worse for your friends than for you if you don’t ask them for help, even if you just did it so they didn’t need to do it.

Hah. (Note the Charlie Sheen pronunciation of this) ..

And then, to my blunt statement: those 3 paradigms are wrong! Not all at the same time, but definitely when used together. And wrong if you consider it’s initial purpose: making you happy. But why?

1. Learning to do things, and learning to do them by yourself is certainly a quality, but if you want to use that knowledge to help others, you are blocking them from advancing to being a self-sufficient unit. Unless, you teach them so that they can do it themselves? I believe it was a regular quote of Confucius’: Catch a fish for someone and that someone will have a fish, teach him how to fish, and he will have a fish for the rest of his life. So I am still not making my point here, for as long as every help you give is only a teaching help.
2. Helping others is rewarding. Who doesn’t rejoice in at least one great memory of carrying stuff around for someone you like, just to carry it around again a bit later, knowing fair well that some or more of the others there didn’t take the helping quite as seriously as you? And who doesn’t rejoice remembering how great it felt in the evening, sore muscles, but thinking your help was appreciated? Of course, never thinking that that person now has to help in return – that would be wrong.
3. Asking for help would then be the third paradigm:
   1. You learn to become independant, and at the same time, should ask for help? This is probably the clearest of contradictions for me, but is also the most hurtful contradiction to me. You know that you should learn to be self-sufficient, but realize you can’t? Failure #1.
   2. You ask for help because you actually not just can’t learn to be self-sufficient (a lack of learning capabilites), but you’re actually not good enough? Failure #2.
   3. And the third failure, you ask for help, your family, your friend, or anyone else you would ask (not just a random person, people you value and care for? And not just for reasoning sake), and they refuse you? Failure #3…

Of course, every so often, you will not be refused. You may almost never be refused, but just the once is enough, because what does it say? You don’t deserve the help! Or… the people you considered to be important to you, don’t go by the paradigm you cherish yourself: give help to those that ask (even if they don’t deserve it). But what solutions are there for you? Solutions I remind you to avoid getting to the point where you either:

1. Doubt you deserve to be helped
2. Doubt the qualities of your good friends

However (as there always has to be a however towards the end), learning-helping-askingforhelp does something more than just achieve a task or project. It actually allows you to bond. With people close to you, and people not yet close to you. Just like when you were a baby, it allows you to develop a certain intimacy with someone else and to build trust. So (unfortunately), being self-sufficient can make you lonely I guess, and no matter how good a pillow it is to know that in theory you don’t need anyone to go on, it is also a very nice pillow that tells you: you’re not alone in this .

For the past 20 years or so, from when I clearly remember knowing there was a difference between girls and boys, and probably even before that, it always came naturally to me to feel attracted to the “pretty things”. Influenced by Disney much? Not sure. My princess has to be the fairest of all? Maybe. And I will be the shiny knight on a white horse? In some woman’s dream I guess .

In a first and wild blurt, I will state – without any evidence – that this is due to our education, our nurturing: “This is bad”… “Don’t touch that, that’s icky”… “Don’t you look handsome in this tiny suit?”… “Let’s get you to the hairdresser and get that scruff of yours fixed”… all potential encouragements given by the people that love you the most, and who only want you to be just as gorgeous as that image they were taught was beautiful – at least as much as a “well done” which I believe is a more rewarding encouragement.

Then there’s all the comparing and competing: “Oh you had an A? How many others got As?”… “Oh that boy’s got that pretty little girl as his new girlfriend? What pretty little girl will you choose?”… “Mummy, mummy, I want those redhering-shoes my friends have, I don’t want to be left out”… and so on.

Good preparation for your future right?

I would go even a little further by insinuating that most of you readers, if faced by a choice between the comfy and reliable but ugly trousers, and the pretty, cool and lesser quality trousers, will always choose the cooler/prettier trousers, even if the price is the same, or even if the lesser quality is more expensive. And do you know why I think most of you will? Because you feel the need to believe that you are different. You are special. You will make the exception to that rule.

These include besides many other things:

• high heel shoes that will make you feel attractive but will also: hurt you, damage your feet, damage your spine, potentially make you look like “you need it”, cost a small fortune.
• expensive haircuts, expensive dresses, expensive jackets, …
• facial treatments that will cost a fortune and make you look a little better today and probably a lot worse in 20 years
• fitness subscriptions for a firmer butt for which you will do stuff you do not enjoy, and quite frankly, has the potential to make you feel miserable
• plastic surgery
• fast and expensive cars that cost a fortune (in gas), but which legally, you will never be able to use to their fullest (and which quite frankly seem terribly uncomfortable to me)
• …

But to get back to telling you what to do (the arrogant bit I warned you about in the beginning – your own fault if you kept reading this far ):

• Go for someone you like listening to
• Go for someone that likes listening to you
• Go for someone you enjoy being with, without having to talk
• Go for someone you could imagine yourself waking up next to, every day, for as long as it takes
• Go for someone who would make you proud
• Go for someone that could be proud of you
• Go for someone you could imagine yourself being with, even after you both look like your grandparents look like today
• And accept that you can see “beauty” much better if you use all your senses, especially the brain-sense

And why do I feel I am allowed to blurt something like this? All my partners were exceptionally beautiful, and all of them were at least as (im)perfect as I still am today (they are all perfect today of course ). Yet I always believed I would make the exception, and that the fact they caught my eye would be more than enough or that I would catch their eye would be enough. And many bad experiences later, for my ex-es and for me, I have learnt to accept being single, knowing that I want to be with someone I feel comfortable with, and who feels comfortable with me, and that until I meet that person, I will be patient.

Can’t wait to leave for another road-trip, with Chris, and I’m sure it’ll be lots of fun! In the mean time, and for your very own pleasure, a few pictures from past trips to Innsbruck.