The shallowness within

bisi — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 12:40:34 +0000

So as bisi.lu takes on a different tone, it is about time I write about something that has been bugging me for a while. The first in probably (but not hopefully) many rants on what gets under my skin, and where my arrogance gets the better of me, as usual. So here goes: finding a mate based on looks is pretty much the stupidest thing you could do, today.

For the past 20 years or so, from when I clearly remember knowing there was a difference between girls and boys, and probably even before that, it always came naturally to me to feel attracted to the “pretty things”. Influenced by Disney much? Not sure. My princess has to be the fairest of all? Maybe. And I will be the shiny knight on a white horse? In some woman’s dream I guess .

In a first and wild blurt, I will state – without any evidence – that this is due to our education, our nurturing: “This is bad”… “Don’t touch that, that’s icky”… “Don’t you look handsome in this tiny suit?”… “Let’s get you to the hairdresser and get that scruff of yours fixed”… all potential encouragements given by the people that love you the most, and who only want you to be just as gorgeous as that image they were taught was beautiful – at least as much as a “well done” which I believe is a more rewarding encouragement.

Then there’s all the comparing and competing: “Oh you had an A? How many others got As?”… “Oh that boy’s got that pretty little girl as his new girlfriend? What pretty little girl will you choose?”… “Mummy, mummy, I want those redhering-shoes my friends have, I don’t want to be left out”… and so on.

Good preparation for your future right?

I would go even a little further by insinuating that most of you readers, if faced by a choice between the comfy and reliable but ugly trousers, and the pretty, cool and lesser quality trousers, will always choose the cooler/prettier trousers, even if the price is the same, or even if the lesser quality is more expensive. And do you know why I think most of you will? Because you feel the need to believe that you are different. You are special. You will make the exception to that rule.

These include besides many other things:

high heel shoes that will make you feel attractive but will also: hurt you, damage your feet, damage your spine, potentially make you look like “you need it”, cost a small fortune.
expensive haircuts, expensive dresses, expensive jackets, …
facial treatments that will cost a fortune and make you look a little better today and probably a lot worse in 20 years
fitness subscriptions for a firmer butt for which you will do stuff you do not enjoy, and quite frankly, has the potential to make you feel miserable
plastic surgery
fast and expensive cars that cost a fortune (in gas), but which legally, you will never be able to use to their fullest (and which quite frankly seem terribly uncomfortable to me)
…

Why would you choose something like that? Tvs, magazines, peers, the person your ex left you for, … ?

But just like a flower, and this is what most of us forget, (wo)man gets less beautiful over time (or is that another image branded into our subconscious by our peers and clever marketers?). And who in their right set of mind would place their bets on looks today, knowing fair well that 1, 5, 10, 20, 50 years down the road, that once beautiful person will only have a personality left with which to shine?

In all fairness, I have to acknowledge that for people that go through a period where they just look for physical satisfaction, maybe this is an “ok” thing to do. I guess that when you are with a beautiful partner, it doesn’t really matter what they have to say? I for one am just too conservative or boring to appreciate the “just-sex-thing”. It is far more enjoyable to get lost with someone amazing to me, than it would be to play a part in a porn-movie even if my co-star was the sexiest woman I had ever met.

But to get back to telling you what to do (the arrogant bit I warned you about in the beginning – your own fault if you kept reading this far ):

Go for someone you like listening to
Go for someone that likes listening to you
Go for someone you enjoy being with, without having to talk
Go for someone you could imagine yourself waking up next to, every day, for as long as it takes
Go for someone who would make you proud
Go for someone that could be proud of you
Go for someone you could imagine yourself being with, even after you both look like your grandparents look like today
And accept that you can see “beauty” much better if you use all your senses, especially the brain-sense

And why do I feel I am allowed to blurt something like this? All my partners were exceptionally beautiful, and all of them were at least as (im)perfect as I still am today (they are all perfect today of course ). Yet I always believed I would make the exception, and that the fact they caught my eye would be more than enough or that I would catch their eye would be enough. And many bad experiences later, for my ex-es and for me, I have learnt to accept being single, knowing that I want to be with someone I feel comfortable with, and who feels comfortable with me, and that until I meet that person, I will be patient.

bisi>mambo>friends LU... » 2011 » August

The shallowness within